I'm there. (Hee! Hee! Yes that's me)
I'm nowhere in particular. I'm okay.
I've been shopping. I've been working. I've been rolling with the punches. I've been taking long baths & listening to my Olivia Newton-John CD. I idolised that gorgeous woman as only a 70's child could. The bathroom is such a great place to belt out "Little More Love" "Magic" and "Suddenly"....floating around and marvelling at such great acoustics !
I've been hanging out with my girlfriends alot. A gaggle of us are going Ice-Skating tomorrow! Not exactly a national sport here in Oz! Quite the novelty!
I'm glad to report that I've been getting on with my husband. No fleeing of late.
And of course I've been reading blogs. So much happening, my Twisted Sisters! As always. I am captivated, enraptured, despairing & admiring you all. Milenka (Oh! joyous joy!) Jenny, Nina (thanks for teaching me how to swear in Swedish!) Drew, Lut, Thalia, Bugs, Em, Mellie, Beth, Sara & Donnie (best new Mum photo EVER) All of you on my list...no need to mention everyone I suspect! My team. I keep tabs daily even when Mrs Negative is quiet.
I had an interesting interaction with the elderly lady who lives behind us last week. She keeps to herself mostly & our infrequent conversations are usually polite but brief. She asked me how we are getting on with our IVF. I told her our last attempt was unsuccessful but we hoped to try again in June. She commented that perhaps I'd fall pregnant naturally before then. I told her about my fallopian tubes being removed last year hoping that would explain how a natural conception was impossible. She understood alright, going on to reveal that she'd had a complete hysterectomy at age 33.
I'd always assumed that the young man who visit's regularly was her son?
He's actually her nephew. She was never able to have children. Her late husband would not consider adoption. There was regret in her voice. I was appalled that I'd never known this about my neighbour. I felt a sudden urge to hug her. To touch her hand. I tried to express my understanding as a fellow infertile. It felt a bit feeble. IVF wasn't around in her day, she said. I nodded. I know that I take the wonders of ART for granted. Modern medicine is a gift to my generation. We can dare to dream, knowing that miracles are entirely possible. I told her I would never give up trying for a baby. I was afraid that life without children would leave me forever sad. She smiled and said that the sadness eventually goes. I wanted to believe her. But I swear at that moment I saw a shadow of despair in her eyes. I will make more effort to interact with her in the future. I should have tried harder long ago. Shame on me. Selfish, busy me.
Of course I've been thinking about our 2 frozen embryo's. I keep asking them to be patient. Just chill a bit longer. Until June....and then...and then....we'll meet again.
I think it's time for some Olivia therapy.