Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

The Winner is.....Kindness

Kindness rates really high in my books. It is a quality I've come to appreciate more & more as I've gotten older, wiser & crankier.
I've always been surrounded by kindness in one form or another. My Mum is "Undefeated World Champion of Kind". A good Mum to have at any stage.
Being Infertile has introduced me t0 a whole new world of kindness. And I have learnt that there are different levels.
When people find out you are trying for a baby, but have not fallen pregnant yet, some will come out with "Kind Guns" blazing. They will offer all sorts of comfort & even discomfort. Like my friend who told me her theory for conceiving. "I believe" she announced.."that we don't get to choose who our children are, rather that children choose us....they wait for the perfect Mummy & Daddy & that's when you fall pregnant!" She went on to explain that the perfect baby was coming for me, I just had to wait to be chosen.
It was supposed to make me feel better, but somehow it didn't ease the pain. Especially as I looked down at this friend's Blue-Eyed adorable 2 year old daughter & ESP'd her "You chose HER over ME??" Crazy Kid.
I have had my dearest friend offer me her eggs. As if she was able to just lay one on command & wrap it up for me. She knew her eggs were fine. She already had 3 boys to prove it. My godsons. She wants to help. Eggs aren't my problem I told her, but thank you so much for the offer. My Mum encouraged me on in the early days "Your turn will come" she assured. I'd nod. But as the months turn to years, my Mum thankfully offered that blase promise less & less. She's learnt alot about infertility while holding my hand. She knows that empty words hurt just as much as an empty uterus. She Knows that "Just Relax" "Stop Trying" and "Take a Holiday" are ridiculous solutions to infertility.
The best example of infertility kindness I've witnessed over the past 2 years is right here in the computer. The Blogs I've read. The ladies I've come to love & admire immensely. The words of support & encouragement & the hands held tight as good & bad news spills through our lives. I am gobsmacked by the little words, the lives laid bare, the stories entwined. We have a voice here. We know what living with infertility is like. We know the right thing to say. The kind thing to say. I've already been offered that kindness, 2 warm, strongs hand extended by Molly & Shelly, leaving comments for me on my brand new blog. Thanks Girls, that's my kind of kindness.xx


Blogger shell said...

I live by that age old saying, which my mother drummed into me and my sister "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". It never fails to surprise me when people offer you kindess in the most unexpected ways. Thank you for commenting on my blog too :)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

aw shucks, thanks for opening up your comments section to non-bloggers. No one, bar my DH & 2 friends, know what's going on with us. That, in itself, presents it's own difficulties. My 2 friends in the know are incredible and have provided so much support (one is a secret IF, the other was donating eggs to her other IF friend). It helps that we have the same sense of humour and every thoughtless comment is shared and dissected until it doesn't hurt so much... A great sense of humour is a wonderful thing for an infertile.
I look forward to reading more about your journey. Molly

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear you,

There are so many other reasons to celebrate being alive than having a biological child.

I hope you get what you want, but even if you don't, I wish you a wonderful, productive, fulfilling and full of love, Life.

Blogger Anna H. said...


Just found your blog and am so glad that you're sharing your story with all of us. It's clear from reading the little bit you've posted that you do celebrate your life and being alive even as you mourn the loss of a dearly held dream; it's an amazing balance that you maintain, and a good reminder to those of us (me!) who fall so readily into despair.

Thank you for blogging.


Blogger Allison said...

here's another hand being extended, welcome to the blogging world and I am immensely enjoying reading what you have to say; what a way with words!

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