Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Patch At 'Ems

So, the cigarette thing.
I went to my GP this week and spoke with him about Nicotine patches. I was willing to give them a try. Anything to help curb my Sch-moking habit. Doc agreed they could be of great assistance. I marched on into the Pharmacy & purchased my weekly supply. Expensive little suckers! I joked to the cashier that it was cheaper to smoke. Some Incentive! Back at home I unwrapped my first hit. I have to admit that my initial desire was to roll that little patch up and Smoke it.
Be Strong dammit! Strong!

The good news in: "Wow. They work." I have only had one cigarette in 48 hours. Without so much as a sweat.
The bad news in: The side effects include acid-trip dreams. All night. You know those sweeping, epic type dreams? Hollywood style? Dreams so vivid, bizarre & on such a grand scale that they deserve their own soundtrack? I wake up approximately 3 times a night with my heart pounding against my sternum, Eyes spasmed open & left blinking into the dark night. They are not scary dreams. Just hectic & emotionally draining. In the past 48 hours my dreams have transported little old me to Post World War 2 China. I was aboard a speeding, rickety train with 2 gazillion Chinese folk, only alighting to rip down statues & search for rice. I have been to George Bush Snr's empty house for a New Year's Eve party with all of my friends & Snoop Dog (?) The party was thrown without George's consent. As a result I had to sprint & hide with my posse when George arrived home unexpectedly. I have gallivanted through the streets with my old school friends, like a wild pack of yahooing maniacs and then nearly drowned in a sudden, torrential downpour. This morning I dreamt that my mother visited. She began telling me that my Nail Artist was pregnant. I was really upset because my mother barely knows my her and, and, AND my sneaky, lying Nail Artist continually tells me that she is NOT EVER having children. Her husband & her decided long was a Child-Free marriage for them. Child-Free my arse! That bitch! She knows all about my infertility struggles. I have confided in her for years. She was supposed to be my friend! How is she going to look me in the eye on our next appointment??? Not only that, her 17 year old sister was pregnant too. And miserable about it. She doesn't even know who the father is! It's Maury Povich for you, trashy! It got worse. Is it possible... you ask? Well, I also dreamt that another male acquaintence was going to be a father. Consider this, he's never even kissed a girl (well, not many) he does not have a partner and at 42 years of age is still living at home with his parents. YES! I know! What does he know about having babies? It suddenly seemed mighty unfair that he was getting a Child before me. I woke up whimpering. Did you hear me?
See what I mean? Crazy times. These nicotine patches are supposed to help you STOP smoking, not leave you so traumatised that you wake up near sobbing, fevered & dazed needing 2 cigarettes & a shot of whiskey just to get you out of bed.
For the love of Gd, tonight, may I dream of kittens, daffodils, new shoes or at the very, very least.......... something erotic.
I miss you, dreamless nights. I miss you, Winfield 4's.
Sweet Dreams y'all.


Blogger Em said...

I used to smoke Winfield Blue and had a rather beautiful dream the other night that I was smoking them and it felt great. I am trying to come of precessed food and crap and I am having some wicked dreams at the moment, Wicked in a bad way...not good.

Blogger Julie said...

I had evil dreams too on the patch - it does pass though.

Anonymous Jill said...

Best of luck to you on the road to freedom from cigarettes, and best wishes for some sweet dreams tonight.

Anonymous kiwi said...

I stopped smoking with Zyban and had the weirdest dreams too! You can do this! Good luck!

Blogger heleen said...

Just quitting smoking alone makes me go all over the place at night. Last time I quit was while I also pregnant with an ectopic (when I quit smoking I didn't know I was pregnant). I felt so weird and sick it was hard to tell what were the side effects of one or the other.
Can you have ivf while you're smoking in AUS? Here (in NZ) you're not allowed to smoke for three months before you can start.

Blogger Mony said...

There is no requirement to give up smoking before commencing IVF here, but of course, the clinics make sure you are aware of all the bad, bad, bad aspects of smoking & miscarriage & bad eggs etc. If you are serious about having a baby, you should be serious about quitting. IVF or not. I understand this & that's way I hate myself for struggling with the fags. The Clinic I attend actually said they would even prefer to see pregnant women on Patches as opposed to smoking. That was a shock. Anyway! I am determined to be Smoke Free! Thanks for the encouragement!

Blogger Sandy said...

Maybe the dreams are the free cable offer included in the patch box??? Congrats on making the decision to quit! I've struggled with not smoking for the last few years. I had quit when I found out I was pg in 2002 but then started again, sneaking them like a school kid, in 2004. I made the decision to be a non-smoker Nov 11/04 and although I still romanticize sitting on my deck on a nice summer's eve having a smoke, am determined NOT to go back. It's tough, but you're tougher! I wish you butterflies and kittens tonight too!

Anonymous Alison said...

I think it's great you want to quit smoking!!!! I also think your dreams are some what hilarious. Then again, we both know I'm nuts. I do love reading your posts! Give PEC a huge kiss on the lips (with tongue) for me!

Anonymous thalia said...

Yay for you for quitting. Keep it up. Patches did it for a friend of mine, and you never know when one of those dreams might turn out to be a fabulous sex dream, so there may be fringe benefits!

Blogger Chee Chee said...

Wow! Those are some dreams! Good for you for quiting smoking. I hope that your dreams fade as you become use to the patches.

Anonymous T said...

So where exactly would one get these patches? I'm ALL for an illegal party at the Bush House.

Blogger WonderMama said...

Congratulations on quitting smoking! Its absolutely the best thing you can do for yourself.
When I met my husband, he smoked a pack and a half of Marlboro Reds per day.
7 years ago he used successfully used the patch to help quit.

Clomid gives me crazy acid-trip dreams similar to the ones you're describing. One night I had a dream that Mitch was having an affair with Kelly and Brenda from Beverly Hills 90210. (I haven't see that show in years, so Lord knows where that shit came from) I was so furious when I woke up that I kicked him out of bed...

Blogger Tiff said...

Wow, I am exhausted just reading about those dreams. UGH!

Blogger Bugsy said...

Yay good on your girl for giving quiting a go. I do hope the dreams pass along with any urges that are left. My Father in law has been told to cut back - because of his emphasyma (sp?), and the fact he has almost no lung capacity any more. He has managed to cut down to 1 an hour and thinks that is pretty good!

Good luck on your quest.

Blogger Bugsy said...

p.s. Forgot to mention - I have tagged you!

Blogger heleen said...

Thanks for your sweet and long comment on my blog. All is fine now, looking forward to begin with the cycle... How's the quitting going?

Blogger Mellie said...

Congrats on quitting. It's so good of you - and good for you! I hope the dreams bring you visions of only good times and happiness. That wouldn't be so hard to wake up to!

Blogger April said...

Congrats on making the decision to quit. I'm sure it won't be easy - but I commend your bravery to try.

And as for the dreams - whew! I always wake up more tired when I have dreams like that.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

So you don't know me, but believe it or not I found your blog after typing "nicotine patch crazy dreams" into a google search engine. I'm sitting her at 9 am on a day I intended to wake up around noon, awakened by some of the crazy dreams you mentioned. I'm on the morning of my 4th day of the patch and I've been suffering from these vivid dreams too. I just dreamt that I received my cell phone bill (through a magazine none the less) and it was informing me of a $999 charge for what they called "provocative disrespect of the state". A friend from high school came in to the gas station where I work and I asked her about it and she looked at me like I should know we weren't allowed to do that. After me bitching and moaning about how ridiculous this idea was a message showed up on our lottery machine at work telling me that I had the choice to continue what I was doing and to face the consequences or to quit talking about it. I hit cancel and then the phone rang and it was some “big brother” type voice telling me that I no longer had the choice of paying the $999 fine but rather I owed them 40 grand and it had to be paid in full by the time I graduated from college. I told him (whoever this who was) that I would be taking him to court and then announced to my very conservative town “my brothers, my sisters, my friends, I will fight you in court.” The government related dreams makes me wonder if it is not something they slip in to the patches to subliminally feed our minds while we so are feeble. I definitely woke up fearing an imaginary power which had questioned my right to speak against my state. ;- )
The sheer detail of these dreams scares me. I wake up with a pounding heart trying to cipher out reality from the entanglements of the dream world. The previous night I dreamt about a very dark changing room in a foreign country in which I had a sleeping dog with me. I was talking to another dog on a balcony while trying not to wake my dog for fear of his jealousy if he saw the two of us talking. I am going to poke around here on the internet in search of any more related stories. I have never done acid, but thanks to the analogy I will stay far far away. Nicotine has scarred me enough :-)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I am working on day 2 of my fourth earnest attempt to get the monkey off my back. I tell ya Nicoderm CQ is the patch for me. 21 mg for 6 weeks. The dreams are something else. I can't quite remember what last nites was but it was very entertaining. I don't know why it happens either but it sure happens. I'm pretty much used to the crazy dreams now since this is my fourth time. I actually look forward to them. It reminds that I am trying to do something good for my body. Luck to all quitters!! See you in your dreams. I'll be the one with the black and white striped knee high socks and dunce cap with a stick off dynamite hanging out of my mouth. :)


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