Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Friday, February 03, 2006

My new Penpal

I really, really feel like we're doing IVF now.
I have my Puregon showbag chilling in the fridge and one shot already under my belt, literally.
Peter & I had an early start at the clinic today. We joined 4 other couples in the waiting room. All of us were there to collect our Puregon and have a D.I.Y. needle lesson. The blonde lady sitting opposite caught my eye. She dazzled me with a warm, friendly smile. I returned one & I think we both sensed some unity. It was a nice moment! We got called in one at a time. From my curtained cubicle & enormous recliner chair I could hear the woman next door hyperventilating "Ohhhh....I can't do it!..Oww..Ohh". Then the nurse's reassurring voice chimed in "Yes you can, just take a few deep breaths, pinch the skin there, that's right! There! You did it! Well Done!"
Giving yourself a needle is a strange, intimidating concept. Even when the reward may possibly be your miracle baby, it ain't easy. I felt thankful that needles don't bother me. The idea of jabbing myself is not overly scary. I am not concerned about it hurting.... more than anything I am worried that I will do something wrong. I don't want to stuff this up! The Puregon Pen makes it easy enough, although the instructions for the trigger injection had me slightly rattled. I think I'll call on my girlfriend to administer that one. She's a Nurse! Bravo!
Each little step makes it so evident to me how incredibly brave IVF patients are. You endure so much on this path. Emotionally & physically.
With the needle lesson over, instructions memorised & Puregon cradled I made my exit. I trailed behind a petite Asian lady. She shuffled bare-foot down the corridor, clutching at her white hospital gown. She veered off left in front of me & I followed her path with my eyes. I was suddenly staring into a darkened, silent room. It was overflowing with instruments, sterile trepidation & masked nurses. Such an eerie setting. Then I realised that she was heading in for her egg retrieval. And they were waiting for her. That quiet, clinical scene made my tummy fill with nervous butterflies.
And dread.
I may have broken into a run, I don't remember, but escape was foremost on my mind!
I am scared, actually terrified of the retrieval. I know that when it's my turn to walk the hospital corridor in a white gown & barefeet it will be daunting.
But I can do it. I shall not dwell on that right now. I've still got 2 weeks to freak the fuck out over that. Poor Peter.

And finally, may I offer my Congratulations to Ova Girl? She's a modest one.
L'Eggs Up took out 1st place (Gold! Gold! Gold!) in the "Best of Blog" awards for the "Adoption/Infertility" category. I didn't vote due to cyber-ignorance.....nobody told me about these prestigeous awards, but I would have voted for her had I known. So, shout out to you OG. It's official, you are endearing, witty, potty-mouthed, well dressed & globally adored. And she always takes the time to leave a comment *hint, hint* Well Done.!


Blogger Mellie said...

Yay Mony! I have no doubt that you will excel with all the IVF rigamorol - including the retrieval. I'll be following you and rooting you on every step of the way.

Blogger Lut C. said...

There's no denying the drugs in the fridge! I'm excited for you and really hope this works straight away.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That little pen is like jabbing steely hope into the flesh.

Don't worry about retrieval. I was really worried and scared the day before, but whatever drip they put in my vein took the edge away.

I hope your dreams come true.

Blogger N said...

Good luck from me too. You are very brave in my eyes, and please report more about the needles and shooting them into your body...I am so scared of this for myself that I need to take on role models. Congratulations, you just became my IVF role model :-)

Again good luck! I hope that everything will go just perfectly!


Blogger Beth said...

Glad things are beginning to move along. I have two of those moments in the waiting room when I've connected silently with a fellow infertile. Makes you breathe a little easier to know you are not alone. Keep us updated on how the injections go, I'm following your story avidly.

Blogger Thalia said...

Well you're properly under way now! Retrieval isn't that bad, I promise, unless you go to a sadistic clinic like OG's where they don't give you enough drugs.

Blogger Em said...

The Purgeon pen is quite pretty! The Miracle Baby is going to be so worth it.

Blogger heleen said...

Hey Mony! Finally you can start! Hell that has taken some time, when I first read you I was thinking we would do it togetether at the same time! I'm already 19 weeks now... Now it's your turn babe. Don't worry about the needles, you'll get used to it. One jab is one jab less. And the retrieval... Everyone will be holding your hands. You'll be good.

Blogger LabiaLady said...

Hooray... now you are truely on your way...
Good luck with it all, may you be blessed with what you desire first go...

Blogger Sparkle said...

Just found your blog!
Congratulations on starting the Puregon - things will start getting pretty fast from now.
Don't worry about the retrieval, it's usually pretty easy.

Blogger Fertility Faux Pas said...

I had a much bigger freak out before the inject class than I did before the retrieval. I think that's how it goes for a lot of us. Taking those first steps is the hardest part, but I swear as the ball gets rolling you just go on auto pilot and roll right along with it. You'll be fine...Good luck!

Blogger Anita said...

I have only just come across your blog for the first time this morning....I hope that your IVF journey is short and successful.

Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous Jill said...

Wishing you all the best with this cycle!

Blogger Dream Mommy said...

I'm terrified of egg retrieval too if we ever get to do IVF.

Blogger Bugsy said...

How are you going with your injections? I get Hubbs to do most of the Puregon pen ones but I bravely do the ones I have to. I get my GP to do the trigger ones - they are just too complex for me. good luck!

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