Morally Oraly
I'm glad you enjoyed my Birthday post photo. There's something so amusing about looking at old photographs. Especially of yourself. And the 70's were so groovy, baby!
I'm riding out the usual month to month merry-go-round that is infertility. I seem to follow a carbon copy pattern of emotions.
My cycle begins with sadness & failure. "Sob...I can't believe it didn't work?"
Backed up with depression & hopelessness. "It will never, ever, ever work"
Then I move on to acceptance. "Next time"
Closely followed by worry. ".....Maybe not next time"
Then I slip into a nice state of ambivalence. "I like getting drunk & sleeping in anyhow"
Next comes bitterness "Every mothefucker is pregnant expect me"
And finally renewed enthusiasm. "C'mon! Let's go! Hand me those drugs! I'm READY!"
I am somewhere in between bitterness & enthusiasm. Waiting for my period so I can begin the FET drugs & procedure. It's so boring just waiting & waiting.
Have you been over to bask in the excitement? http://babyquestblog.blogspot.com Awww! There's something so wonderfully gratifying about a "Twisted Sister" finally getting her baby. We've watched Donnie struggle with infertility, rejoiced at her BFP, followed her pregnancy & now welcome little Daisy. It just so beautiful.
P & I have planned a lovely holiday for May. We are taking my in-law's Winniebago to http://www.discovertasmania.com.au I have never been to Tasmania & I am looking forward to visiting very much. I really want to see more of Australia.
That brings me to Religion. But, of course. I am curious. What does a Catholic infertile couple do when the Church brands IVF morally unacceptable? Do they go against their faith? Do they hope G-d will understand? Do they abide & forgo treatment? I can't imagine having to battle infertility and the moral rules of my church. It must make it an excrutiating journey. Anyone had that personal experience?
posted by Mony @ 30.3.06
25 Comments:
The Catholic church also bans IUI's which made our infertility struggles even more difficult. I mean, if your church doesn't understand, who will?
We are pursuing adopting from the state, but that doesn't mean we will never do treatments again.
I'm kinda stuck between the bitterness and enthusiasm stage too.
My husband is/was catholic, non-practicing for many years. The stance of the catholic church on IVF has saddened him so much that he is actually taking classes to become a member of my church. He has struggled with the stance of the church on many issue's such as gay marriage (legal in Canada) and a woman's right to choose. This one hit him personally though so I guess he had enough.
I hope I don't start a firestorm with this comment, I did want to tell you our personal experience.
That being said. Of all the people I have told about our IVF journey, my two Catholic friends have been my #1 supporters and really my only support outside the blog world. While other friends ignore my infertility like it is a burden on them, they seak me out to give me comfort and assurance.
I don't hope god will understand, in my heart, I know he will.
Wow, that's alot more religious then I normally get on a Thursday!
I hope you make it all the way over to enthusiasm soon.
I'm Catholic (although non- practicing) and my hubby is Baptist. I have been going against the Church for sometime now (hubby is divorced - obviously a big no no) and I was on the Pill for a few years as a method of birth control (Ha! Ha!). So I don't worry about it. I figure -- God understands.
Good luck to you with FET!!
I don't actually go to church anymore but my personal opinion when it comes to religion is that the "church" and God are two very separate entities and so are the "church" and the parish... I don't believe it is in "God's will" that so many couples are infertile & I don't believe he would smite people for doing IVF etc and I think a lot of people in your parish probably feel the same... Looking back I don't think I've answered any of your questions there...
So I shall move on and say: have a fantastic time in Tasmania! We went there a couple of years ago for a friend's wedding and we had a great time. We were only there for a week so we only explored the greater Launceston area but Cradle Mountain is a must, as is Wineglass Bay. The walk to it damn near killed me (in the state of unfitness that I was in) but the view from the lookout is glorious and then if you keep walking down to the beach it is so worth it. I also highly recommend Seahorse World if you are a seahorse lover like myself.
I will stop playing annoying tour guide now...
Hoping you can get started soon. I thank heavens I'm not catholic and have to deal with that as well. A friend is, and she and her husband have been strugglign with not being allowed to do IVF>
My husband is catholic... not practising, unless it suits him... and I am quite a heathen, although bought up loosely protestant. One of the main reasons that we are in the IVF closet is that his parents are very strong catholics - In my heart I don't think they would ever dare say anything if they knew, but I think DH would prefer not to put them or us in the position of having to comment..
DH didn't seem too conflicted when the issue came up... if he had, I think I would have had a meltdown.
I had no conflict at all in deciding to pursue treatment though I was raised Catholic. I like my religion. I love the pomp and ceremony and tradition behind mass. I like the culture of catholicism. That being said, I don't understand how people buy into it so deeply. They are just men. The Pope, the bishops, the priests -- they are just men. Learned men, and holy men. And quite a few sinful, criminal, and immoral men thrown in the bunch. I'm not going to make my life decisions based on what that lot deems acceptable.
My grandmother is one of those devout Catholics. She didn't realize that the treatment I was getting was IVF until she asked me to explain it to her. Five times. And when I was done explaining it to her, she was pensive, and then quietly and sincerely said, "Well, I don't think you'll go to hell for that." I can tell she's worried about it, though.
I'm still giving God the silent treatment, so my faith, at this juncture, is a moot point. I don't have guilt issues at all.
And husband is a Buddhist, so it's a non-issue for him.
The good thing about being catholic is that you can sin first and repent later. No harm done.
If I understand correctly, it's worse if you're protestant (in the wide sense), if you sin, it shows you are not among the chosen ones. The institute of confession doesn't exist, since there is no point. Right?
I'm an agnost living in a country full of non-practicing catholics. I'm not impressed with the opinions of those men in robes. I think they have blood on their hands for their worldwide campaign against condoms for AIDS-prevention. But that's a completely different discussion.
Can't offer any insight into the catholic thing but I can tell you anything you want to know about Tasmania!
Come and visit me!!!
P.S I'm in the bitterness phase at the mo. not a nice place to be.
The Catholic thing is an interesting one. We go to an Anglican church but i just consider myself a Christian (went to Catholic schools though) and I know several Christian couples who have had IVF. It seems the Catholics are so much more rigid with things (eg. birth control etc.). All my Christian girlfriends who are married but not trying for kids yet use BCP or condoms. It's no issue.
I was raised Catholic, and spent 10 years in Catholic schools. There was a time in my life where I said I would "never ever do IVF." I now look back on that time and laugh at how naive I was. Until you have stood in these shoes, you have no idea what you would do if you were in our situation.
I haven't been to church since I started this first cycle. I figure that if I can't look to my faith for support, then why bother even going? I am considering leaving the church altogether. There are many other faiths that are not so rigid, who will accept our decision to go forward with treatment.
Have a great time in Tasmania! It sounds wonderful!!
My husband and I are Catholic and will start IVF next month. I do care what the church teaches about IVF, but I believe that our technology is advancing more rapidly than our church. The wheels of change spin slowly and I take comfort from that, knowing that our faith is not susceptible to the whims and kneejerks of our culture. To Mary Ellen and Steve, hang in there! Not everyone in the church is closed minded. My priest is the one who gave me the blessing to go ahead. He said that it isn't fair that we took vows at our wedding saying we would gratefully accept children from God, but then the church takes away the only way we can conceive them.
For the hard core catholics you might run into, points to ponder: My doctor has said that at my age, IVF will give me a 40% chance of conceiving. If I were normally fertile, that chance, at my age, is 20% with each cycle. He will effectively double the chances of my embryos' survival. How is this "bad"?
A century ago, someone with spinal cord injury, stroke, chronic illness would not have survived long enough to worry about having and raising a family. Now, they do survive because God has given us the knowledge and technology to save them and give them as normal a life as possible. God has already inserted doctors and scientists into the process of giving life to those who would otherwise lose it. Why is IVF different?
In a male with a physical impediment to ejaculation (spinal cord injury, CF, Congenital abscence of the vas deferens), there is no procreative aspect to the sexual relationship. They are never going to conceive normally. Do we then, because of the Catholic church's teaching condemn them to a childless life and one without sexual intimacy (since the church teaches that every sexual act must be open to conception)? Give me a break!
I do believe this is an area the Catholic church will need to accept eventually. Most importantly they will continue to stress the moral responsiblity for the protection of embryos, no matter how they are conceived.
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