Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Mummy's Girl, Damn it....


I have to say, when it comes to Mother's I got one of the very best. My Mum is adored by everyone who knows her, and with good reason. She is an exceptional woman. Filled to the brim with every delightful, decent & positive trait a person could have. AND on top of that she is hysterically funny, energetic & mischeiveous. I do not hesitate to admit that she is my best friend. But damn it, this week I really shot myself in the foot by being a Mummy's girl.
Here's what went down.
On Tuesday, my long awaited period arrived. I rang our clinic, swallowed my FET medication with gusto and dusted off my battle armour. P & I raised our glasses over dinner and drank to IVF round # 2.
Just 24 short hours later, P & I found ourselves having a full blown marital dispute. Don't even ask. Looking back now the context of our arguement was truly pathetic. Oh, PMS.....why must you rally against sensibility? And just like that our Wednesday evening dissolved into yelling, screaming chaos. With anger & frustration bubbling through my veins I grabbed my handbag & my dog.....and walked out. For good. I was NEVER coming back. It was the first time I've ever left my husband.
It was incredibly empowering.
If not completely insane.
Less than 15 kms away was the refuge of my Mum's house. It had been years since I last did the "Distraught-Daughter-Dash" I couldn't wait to get there. Mum was a little surprised to find me & the dog on her doorstep. I told her I was leaving P & that I would be moving in with her. Yes, of course she mumbled while holding the door open for us. She didn't rush me with too many questions, beside the obvious. Was I okay? Was my husband okay? And did I really run away from home without so much as packing a toothbrush or pyjama's?
Hmmm...well I guess my exit was a little hasty. But I was not going back to my rotten husband, ever.
"Well" said Mum.
"You'd better give me that one outfit off your back so I can wash it & iron it for you to wear to work tomorrow"
I knew Mum would save the day! Great idea! Before I knew it she was offering me a choice of nighties to borrow, grilled cheese on toast was fixed and I settled on the lounge. The dog was a little bewildered by her sudden change of lodgings & I asked her to please stop looking at me like that! Look around Mutt! It's sooo much nicer here! We'll be soooo happy here with my Mummy! You'll love it! Mean old Daddy is just a distant memory.
And that's when it dawned on me that I had stormed out not only completely devoid of any personal belongings but also without my fucking IVF tablets.
Oh.
Oh.
Ohhhhhh!! Bad idea to leave home. Bad, bad idea.

It gets worse.
In my stubborn state of mind I decided that I would not be doing IVF anymore. No more tablets for me! And under no circumstances would I carry a child for my husband anyway.

Hello? Anyone? Help me understand what was I thinking?

I spent 3 days with my Mum. Sleeping in my old room, being spoilt & looked after but also realising P & I were being complete imbecciles. I needed to go home. I have to say I enjoyed the time away from P. It was nice to be someone's daughter instead of someone's wife for a few days. And P enjoyed his respite from his occasionally crazy wife too. Oh, he really missed me. He played golf. Entertained his mates. Watched the football undisturbed. Fell asleep on the lounge in peace. Probably scratched himself stupid without hearing a single "Leave it alone!"
When I eventually arrived home, P surprised me by cleaning the house from top to bottom. I appreciated it. And I do believe I missed him. I definately know I missed my hairdryer. We kissed, we hugged, we apologised. We'd survived our first bust up in 8 years.
"Have you been taking your tablets?" P asked.
I shook my head. I am so disappointed in our behaviour. And now we must suffer our self inflicted delay.

Of all the medication I've taken over the past 4 years this surely is the most bitter pill of all.

25 Comments:

Blogger Lut C. said...

Ouch! That's got to hurt.

It's too fresh now, but you'll probably find this story funny later on. Don't you think?

9/4/06  
Blogger Just another Jenny said...

Oh Mony, what a story. First of all, I love you mom and I am beyond jealous. Your three days with mommy sounds just fabulous, I can taste the warm yummy grilled cheese (have not eaten in 36hrs due to flu).

I am sorry about this cycle. Do you think you will laugh and tell your son/daughter one day about how they should have been born one month earlier?

9/4/06  
Blogger Mel said...

Oh sweetie, I am sorry that you had a falling out with your husband. Sometime those thinigs make us realize how important you are to each other.

As for the medication, don't beat yourself up too much. A 28 day delay isn't ideal, but isn't that long. Take care.

10/4/06  
Blogger Thalia said...

Glad that you managed to patch things up. It is so easy for them to get out of control, isn't it?

10/4/06  
Blogger N said...

So glad this story has a happy ending. So you are one months delayed. Who knows what it was good for.

Your mom sounds wonderful :-D. Isn't it good to know she is there tto catch you when you fall?

Well, IVF again next month.

Take care!

Nina

10/4/06  
Blogger Ova Girl said...

Hooray for Mum. And how good was she to just give you space and let you sort yourself out. This is a hard process Mony, hard on relationships as well as the individuals. Be kind to yourself.

10/4/06  
Blogger Mellie said...

Oh Mony,

I'm sure we've all wanted to storm out on our husbands at some point - I certainly have. But I think that if you get back together and face the storm - no matter how stupid it may have been - you become stronger as a couple. And you got the added benefit of Mom's care for a bit.

Don't beat yourself up over the delay - it'll still be there for you when you're ready to attack it with all your gusto.

11/4/06  
Blogger Beth said...

It was nice to be someone's daughter instead of someone's wife for a few days.

If that isn't one of the truest statements, I don't know what is. Please be kind to yourself - the next cycle will come and you will hopefully be in a better place. Its so hard to keep everything on an even keel. Now, do you think your mum will make me a grilled cheese too?

11/4/06  
Blogger heleen said...

Ah Mony... So happy you've made up again!

11/4/06  
Blogger Chee Chee said...

I am glad that you have returned home and that you each had a nice mini break. I spent a few weeks with my parents in Dec. and Jan. and it was time very well spent. No one can pamper you like mom!

12/4/06  
Blogger Sparkle said...

It's typical of this situation - 3 days away - a month lost. Sorry about that - but getting you're relationship back in track is more important at the moment.

Another month is not a big deal - you've already got your embryos waiting.

12/4/06  
Blogger Just another Jenny said...

btw - you and your mummy are just gorgeous!

13/4/06  
Blogger Milenka said...

*hugs*

13/4/06  
Blogger Spanglish said...

I don't know who Sparkle is, but she's one smart cookie.

Sometimes the best medicine is TIME. I'm glad you both got a respite... and that the storm passed.

I'm unsure if this was supposed to be a funny story, but you made me giggle.

14/4/06  
Blogger Betty said...

Yes I giggled too and I'm sure you will later. Sounds like a case of nerves and hormones. I agree with Sparkle. Best to fix the relationship above and beyond everything else.

14/4/06  
Blogger Burnt Karma said...

The horrormones can be a total biyatch.

If you don't go completely insane on IVF, you're not doing it properly. :-)

Hang in there babes.

(((((hugs))))))

15/4/06  
Anonymous Manuela said...

oh, man... the only difference for me... is that I've never actually BLOGGED about our big fights...

Glad you guys worked it out...

17/4/06  
Anonymous llama said...

Ah Mony... I don't know quite what to say... I'm sorry you've been set back a month. That's a real bitch... but I am glad that you patched things up with your husband.

You know, there's been occasions where I've wanted to, but I've never had the guts to actually follow through and walk out the door... You're a braver gal than I.

17/4/06  
Blogger Em said...

Thanks for always being so honest. My hubby and I had quite a few bust-ups whilst trying to conceive (and still have them) and all I want to do is jump on a plane and fly back to my mum.

18/4/06  
Anonymous meg said...

A story recognisable to all, though my stays never last as long as three days. I'm sure persistance like yours would come in handy... :)

21/4/06  
Blogger Maya said...

I just came across your blog. I did the same thing that week. Only I don't hve a great mummy like you and actually stayed with friends.

I am glad that things are better with you. This is such a stressful process. Who can blame us for needing a time out.

30/4/06  
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