Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Surviving Survivor's Guilt....

I know a thing or two about infertility.
I know lots of women who know a thing or two about infertility. I have experienced every single high & low of this journey, if not personally then through my Twisted Sisters. We've seen it all, haven't we girls?
I have read many times about "Survivor's Guilt". The unfamiliar territory of a new pregnancy. Feeling like you no longer belong. That you have deserted or abandoned your clan. You feel wretched for having good news amongst so much bad. You might tip-toe to avoid upsetting those you care about. Your joy could be mistaken for gloating! The last thing you want is to be all smug in everyone's face.

Our Mellie is tasting survivors guilt. And it tastes like troll.

I am so, so sorry that infertiles have this one last hoop to jump through. It is terribly unfair. When one of us falls pregnant it is only after many, many months & years of sorrow, frustration & desperation.
If you fall pregnant then Shout about it! Scream and Whoop! Your true friends will be squealing right there beside you! After all we've been through there should be only room for rejoicing.
Trolls and guilt can stay the fuck away.


Blogger Krista said...

Hear! Hear!

There has to be balance in the blogoshere, you can't have all bad and no good.

Blogger EJW said...

Having been on both ends of this situation, ie cheering on those who have succeeded and being afraid of hurting feelings with my own excitement, I completely agree.

I was never more impressed with Infertile Bloggers than when they came out to congratulate little ol' me, who got so lucky after very little time and effort, when they were still in the trenches and had so many recent losses.

We cry together and so it only seems right that we laugh together, too.

Blogger Em said...

You are awesome Mony. When you get your double lines I am fully expecting you to whoop away! I love your posts.

Blogger Mellie said...

Mony, I may have never met you but I love you!!! I can't wait until we get to be whooping it up and shouting with joy for you. May the day come soon. Big hugs and kisses.

Blogger Millie said...

I hate that infertility takes away this too. It shouldn't be that way. Not at all.

I hope we all get our chance to rejoice because every one of us deserves it.

Anonymous Lynnette said...

Thanks for de-lurking and making my day. I only feel like I've made it through a few "tribal councils," so far, but I have had a little guilt lately. I will try to keep posting, if only to encourage those who have no hope. Good luck to you Mony!

Blogger Just another Jenny said...

You are so right. Infertilty should not rob any of us the right to get excited about a pg just like the rest of the world. To work so hard for something and not celebrate just adds to the unfairness (that can't be a word)of it all

Blogger Lut C. said...

Indeed. I found that comment distasteful to say the least.
How would I fight off utter despair if I didn't have those happy endings to read?

Blogger Ova Girl said...

Good point Mony. It's so hard to celebrate joy after mourning the losses and expressing all the anger. But it's just as important to shout YAY as it is to shout FUCK.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great comments, Mony! You have a wonderful capacity to remain positive which is so refreshing. Having a friend who is battling with infertility, I have tried to be as supportive as I can, but found that when I confirmed my pregnancy (she was the first friend I told), I was all but shut out of her life. I was overjoyed to be having a baby, but the guilt that overshadowed this was amazing in terms of how it would impact on her, and the lasting issues that it has left in terms of our friendship (or lack therein) leaves me continually saddened and admittedly, a bit angry. You have helped lift some weight off my shoulders. If only everyone could be as positive for others as you are! Thank you for your positive blog, Mrs Negative! What a breath of fresh air you are!

Blogger Shazz said...

I agree, if we didnt hear about them and celebrate them then what would keep us going!!


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