Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Marching Time

I'm here.
I'm there. (Hee! Hee! Yes that's me)
I'm nowhere in particular. I'm okay.
Quite okay!

I've been shopping. I've been working. I've been rolling with the punches. I've been taking long baths & listening to my Olivia Newton-John CD. I idolised that gorgeous woman as only a 70's child could. The bathroom is such a great place to belt out "Little More Love" "Magic" and "Suddenly"....floating around and marvelling at such great acoustics !
I've been hanging out with my girlfriends alot. A gaggle of us are going Ice-Skating tomorrow! Not exactly a national sport here in Oz! Quite the novelty!
I'm glad to report that I've been getting on with my husband. No fleeing of late.
And of course I've been reading blogs. So much happening, my Twisted Sisters! As always. I am captivated, enraptured, despairing & admiring you all. Milenka (Oh! joyous joy!) Jenny, Nina (thanks for teaching me how to swear in Swedish!) Drew, Lut, Thalia, Bugs, Em, Mellie, Beth, Sara & Donnie (best new Mum photo EVER) All of you on my need to mention everyone I suspect! My team. I keep tabs daily even when Mrs Negative is quiet.

(If you're not on my blogroll please let me know if you'd like to be added)

I had an interesting interaction with the elderly lady who lives behind us last week. She keeps to herself mostly & our infrequent conversations are usually polite but brief. She asked me how we are getting on with our IVF. I told her our last attempt was unsuccessful but we hoped to try again in June. She commented that perhaps I'd fall pregnant naturally before then. I told her about my fallopian tubes being removed last year hoping that would explain how a natural conception was impossible. She understood alright, going on to reveal that she'd had a complete hysterectomy at age 33.
I'd always assumed that the young man who visit's regularly was her son?
Not so.
He's actually her nephew. She was never able to have children. Her late husband would not consider adoption. There was regret in her voice. I was appalled that I'd never known this about my neighbour. I felt a sudden urge to hug her. To touch her hand. I tried to express my understanding as a fellow infertile. It felt a bit feeble. IVF wasn't around in her day, she said. I nodded. I know that I take the wonders of ART for granted. Modern medicine is a gift to my generation. We can dare to dream, knowing that miracles are entirely possible. I told her I would never give up trying for a baby. I was afraid that life without children would leave me forever sad. She smiled and said that the sadness eventually goes. I wanted to believe her. But I swear at that moment I saw a shadow of despair in her eyes. I will make more effort to interact with her in the future. I should have tried harder long ago. Shame on me. Selfish, busy me.

Of course I've been thinking about our 2 frozen embryo's. I keep asking them to be patient. Just chill a bit longer. Until June....and then...and then....we'll meet again.

I think it's time for some Olivia therapy.


Blogger Just another Jenny said...

I am so glad you haven't disappeared on us.

I feel badly when I see older couples without kids. Too many people judge and assume it is by choice. We are lucky to live in the times we do.

Ice skating? Awesome! Favorite passtime in Canada, I think it's against the law to not own skates here (teasing of course). Have a great time!

Blogger Mellie said...

Oh Mony, I'm so glad to hear you're doing well. The story about you and your neighbor moved me - I so agree with you when I think of how much of this ART process I take for granted. I do hope she is happy and the sadness goes. It's so hard to imagine that it does.

Blogger Lut C. said...

I have a childless great-aunt. I don't dare to ask how come for fear of opening old wounds.

I'm glad to hear you're doing ok.

Blogger Milenka said...

An update! Yay! :-)

Your neighbour sounds like an amazing woman. Infertility has changed in so many ways, hasn't it? *sigh*

Is it June yet? I'm keeping everything crossed for those frozen little buggers.

Blogger Beth said...

I am very touched by your neighbor's story - and saddened. You are a good neighbor for wanting to make the effort to interact with her more.

Anxiously awaiting June.

Blogger Mel said...

Your neighbor sounds like my Aunt Dot. I never knew she wanted children until recently. She's 83 now and never did have children, but there is that same sadness. Good for you for making that connection. Strength can come from the most unexpected places.

Blogger Bugsy said...

I am so glad you are doing okay and that you and the hubby are doing okay too. Although I am not entirely sure about your choice of therapy (olivia? omg), heck if it works for you, then you should do it. (mind you as I type this, I am sipping caro from my "the main event" mug of which has Olivia's name written all over the side hehe.)

Take the very best of care hun. Thinking of you.

Blogger Tiff said...

I hope you all had fun ice skating. Glad to hear that things are on the upswing with dh. :)

Blogger Thalia said...

So glad to hear from you. And very sad, that story about your neighbour. I often thank my lucky stars we are living now, and not even 20 or 30 years ago when this would not have happened for any of us.

Blogger heleen said...

Good to hear al is well ...So did you give her a hug or touch her hand? Strange how infertility gives an instant connection between women.

Blogger Dramalish said...

Glad you are back, m'dear, and thank you for the lovely compliment.

June is not far away at all.

Blogger Em said...

There's so mnay women of that generation like your neighbour. It is sad. My husband's aunty was married three times and never fell pregnant and just never questined it or got it checked out. June willcome like a flash.

Blogger Betty said...

That is a sad story about your neighbour. I worked with a lady who retired last year at age 60. She did not have any children. She told me that it was hard when all of her friends were having kids but even harder when they started to get grand kids. She said she never accepted her infertility until her late 40's...thats after trying in her early 20's. It makes me scared but it makes me feel very lucky that I have IVF as an option.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a wonderful nephew she has. I wonder, if I never become a mother, will someone else's child love me so much? I hope so.

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