Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

....What Not To Wear

Q: Who went to work today wearing a blue blouse, pink capri's, black shoes & a brown beaded necklace?
A: Mrs Negative.

I am hideous. The heat has melted my brain. I just scampered around the shops in a desperate attempt to find a few new outfits for work. It was not a success. The shops are full of dresses that would have looked cute on me 14 years ago. I am stuck in a fashion age gap. Too old for Polka Dots...too young for stretch polyester. I even wandered into a maternity shop by accident. Thinking I'd finally found a boutique with light, flowy summer frocks that would suit me. I guess the name "Belly Basics" should have been a give away!
It infuriates me that Size L will not even cover a nipple. L is for Large. Not Little.
Pardon me shop assistant? Do you have this frock in a Size XXXXXXXL because apparently that's what size I am in 2007? No? It's only available in XXXXS & XXS & S?
Fine. I shall now be forced to put you in a headlock, Missy.

Trinny & Sussanah where are you? I would be delighted if you would strip me down to my saggy underpants, parade me in the Mirrored Room of Shame & slap me.

..Today's blue blouse & pink capri's have humiliated me more than those 2 ever could.


Blogger LabiaLady said...

I've started to look in the shops for size SM .... better known as "small marquee"! lol!

Anonymous Kay said...

Luv....I hear ya....went looking for a sexy number to wear to Chisels show tomorrow nite - ha!!! What a joke!!! Sportsgirl's latest offering is a bright orange kaftan teamed with 3/4 tights....that's hot!!! Sussan - unless navy linen is your thing, don't go there girlfriend!!!
Will be resorting to my "uniform" of jeans with black top....the only thing suitable to cover my fat arse & equally ample bosom!!!
Kaylena-Maria xox

Blogger Krista said...

Ahhh....there can be endless griping at the fashion industry. It is impossible to find clothes four our generation. We either look dowdy or slutty. And if we do manage to find something, we are expected to be the same size as supermodels.


On a different note, so sorry your holidaze is over. Every time I saw that post I smiled at the thought of you having so much fun.

Blogger Just another Jenny said...

It sounds like the sun played a bit of havik with your eye site, did the outfit look good when you left the house but just bad under floresant work lights?
I hear you about the sizes - I hate those teenage stores where I have to get an XL when I know damn well I am not an XL.
Glad to see your back, I hope the vacation was fabulous.

Blogger Lut C. said...

I don't think I could cope with those two and their mirror. Don't get me started about the fashion industry.

Anonymous Anonymous said...


Bad shopping days are the worst. I hope you find something you love soon. Good shopping days are so therapeutic.

Blogger SmarshyBoy said...

Who says you need to cover your nipple? It's summer down there, right? Let the girls breath.

Anonymous T said...

Oooh, I'm hideous too - welcome to my world! I avoid shopping at all costs though - perilous business that.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I Hear Ya girl..... loud and clear as well !!!.
Thought it was just me these day's.
Think I need to borrow that famous shirt that reads.

Glad your back from your break.

Blogger heleen said...

You make me laugh.... I sit here, self employed, far far away in the countryside, kids crawling under my desk... If I had nice clothes I'd have nowhere to wear 'm to. I sit here in my pyjamas!

Blogger Jenny said...

I often am deliberately hideous to hide the fact that there are days when I try and fail so badly that I fit totally in with my regularly hideous persona.

That and I really like wearing every color I can fit on my body, every day.

Blogger Beagle said...

When I look at those books that tell you HOW to dress I've noticed they only address one figure "flaw" at a time and generally the several that I am lucky enough to be doomed with have instructions that contradict the other hideous flaws I am trying to hide. So it seems I will not look good in anything. I'm starting to accept this idea and have begun to look longingly at my husbands sweatshirts.

Blogger Dramalish said...

Mony, my crazy little bloggy down under... you crack me up, you know that??
You're hysterical.
More posts, please.

Blogger Queen of Dysfunction said...

You poor thing! I recently went through something similar, and I completely agree that there is an age gap in the clothing market for those of us not ready to dress like we're elderly, but too old to look like we're still living at home with the parents.


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