Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Home is where the Heart is. And my hairdryer.

Thank you for all of your sincere, non-judgemental, caring comments. Each one represented a hug & a comforting hand on my shoulder. Youse Rule.

On many occasions throughout my life I have been told how brave, strong & courageous I am. It's always amazing, if not a little startling to hear people talk about me in such a fashion because I often feel the exact opposite.
I don't cry alot. This is not because of an inner strength or a degree in self meditation. It just takes a heavy deal to bring me undone.

In the past few weeks I have cried countless times, into many different pillows, shoulders & teatowels. It was theraputic if not a little damp.

I walked out on my husband because I was desperate to show him that I could not accept his dramatic mood swings or unprovoked temper any longer. I just couldn't bury my sadness or isolation another day. It was extremely hard to acknowledge that our polished lives had begun to tarnish & rust. I had glossed over our marriage for too long.

It's hard to air your dirty laundry in front of an unsuspecting audience. It's excrutiating to remain motionless as everything drops from the display cabinet that is your life. It's awful to hear negative remarks about your relationship. Looking truth in the eye takes nerves of steel.

But I did it. And I am so glad that I did. Perhaps, just perhaps leaving him was exactly what I needed to do to salvage our relationship.

My husband has had an emotional year. His Mother's stroke has left him incredibly sad. Her recovery has been steady, yet slow. She is blind. She is completely dependant & unable to hold a lightening quick, animated converstaion like she used to. We are getting to know the new woman she has become even though we dearly miss the one that she was.

My husband's family business has seen the exit of his Mum, Dad & sister since July. The load on him is unbearable. I know these things are partly to blame for his terrible moods. I also know it is no excuse to treat me badly. Hurting the ones we love can be so, so easy.

He has acknowledged his problems. He is confident he can do much better. He wants to let go of his inner macho shithead persona. He wants to be the man I married.

We are trying to undo the hurt. We are delving into the pile of distress to see if we can recover something beautiful. Sifting & sorting through all the dust in the hope of finding gold.

Brave. Strong. Courageous.
I am.

31 Comments:

Blogger Mari said...

Coming out of lurkdom to just say, that I believe you are all those things are much, much more. One foot in front of the other...if needs be.

10/11/06  
Anonymous Carrie P said...

Good to hear from you. I'm so glad you are taking the steps you need to take to be treated lovingly and with respect. I'll be hoping for the two of you.

10/11/06  
Blogger Lut C. said...

Self-knowledge is the beginning of all wisdom. It's great that your husband recognizes there is a problem and is willing to work on it.

Are you getting some guidance from someone experienced?

10/11/06  
Anonymous T said...

I'm sorry there's so much strife in your husband's life, that must be very hard - but like you said, no reason to hurt you. Good luck - it sounds like you're going to make it work!

11/11/06  
Blogger Piccinigirl said...

you are all those things and more. Good luck with sorting this out. It might not be all pleasant, but I know that you love each other and whatever "stuff" you get through together will make you both stronger later on. Hugs and luck to find the GOLD ...I know it's there. :)

11/11/06  
Blogger Just another Jenny said...

I am glad to hear that you are able to work on recovering things with your husband before closing this chapter. I think it's important to say that you've done all you can, which ever direction this next few months take you. You are one brave ass girl! I hope that you find that pot of gold.

11/11/06  
Blogger Keeping The Faith said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I want you to know that you're in my prayers. I'm glad that you stood up for what is right. I hope this all works out and builds towards a healthy, united and beautiful future.

11/11/06  
Blogger Heather said...

It is easier to hurt the ones we love. I did it to BigP because it was safe. He couldn't fire me like my boss could and I knew he wouldn't leave me. Once I realized what I was doing - I had to change. I didn't even know what I had been doing. A slippery slope, so easy to do.

It sounds like things are looking up for you guys. I know it won't be easy but I have faith.

I'm here for you.

Heather
bigpandme@yahoo.com

11/11/06  
Blogger Tiff said...

Brave. Strong. Courageous.
Yes, you are.
I am pulling you for, girl.

11/11/06  
Blogger Andrew said...

That is an inspiring story of action, self-realization, and empowerment. I wish you the best as you move forward and try to regain the bond you once had.

I run a relationship advice / exploration site. Would you mind if I shared your story with my readers?

Andrew
To Love, Honor and Dismay

11/11/06  
Blogger ellie said...

wow. I am just catching up- I hope that things go well for you and that you and your husband can work things out and find gold again. we are here for you.

11/11/06  
Blogger Maya said...

I am glad that you are finding your truth. You are very much an example to the rest of the world!!!

11/11/06  
Blogger Thalia said...

That sounds very positive mony, I'm pleased that things are moving in the right direction.

12/11/06  
Blogger Krista said...

Way to go Mony! I know that was a very hard and very scary step to take. Being brave doesn't mean not being scared, it just means taking the required action despite the fear. I really hope this was exactly what your relationship needed and that you are both able to develop communication skills that allow you to express yourself and not lose your temper.

I am thinking about you!

12/11/06  
Blogger LabiaLady said...

sounds like things are proceding along the right track....

take care of yourself...

12/11/06  
Blogger Drew said...

Oh Mony - I have only just found out what happened to you.

YOU are incredibly brave to have made that very important decision yourself - and stood by it. I hope soon, like you said, be the man you married once again. In the mean time - I will be thinking of you and hope you take time out for yourself and be good to yourself. Take care - and keep writing!

13/11/06  
Blogger The Town Criers said...

I'm so glad to hear that things are going in a better direction.

Hang in there--sending a lot of strength your way.

13/11/06  
Blogger Ova Girl said...

Yes, Yes and Yes.

Oh Mony. Good on you for being active with this. I'm sorry and I hope that things resolve for you soon and that you find your gold.


xx

13/11/06  
Blogger Bugsy said...

I am so sorry it took a drastic action to make problems be realised.

Let the healing begin, whereever that takes you both.

Brave. Strong. Courageous

Yes - You are!

13/11/06  
Blogger Andrew said...

Hi Mony,
Thanks for agreeing to let me share your story. I did so this morning.

I hope things are going well for you and your husband.

Andrew ("To Love, Honor and Dismay")

14/11/06  
Anonymous nina said...

This sounds much much more positive! I wish you all the best and luck for you and your husband to work through this! You are so so strong!

Hugs!

14/11/06  
Blogger serenity said...

Feeling the exact opposite and yet doing what you know to be right is the definition of true courage & strength.

I am hoping that you and your husband can find that gold in the dust there somewhere.

Love to you, Mony.

14/11/06  
Blogger theoneliner said...

its easy to take those we love for granted. i'm glad you have the backbone to say enough is enough.

thinking of you. xoxox

14/11/06  
Blogger hillgrandmom said...

came here from Andrew's blog(love, honor and dismay). Kudos to you and hope you and your husband rediscover what was beautiful in your llove for each other.

14/11/06  
Blogger QofD said...

Just finished reading a good chunk of you site... I am so sorry about the turn of events in your life. My husband and I have also struggled with getting pregnant (took three years) and all the baggage that went along with it.

I am especially sorry to hear about your mother in law's stroke and your husband's subsequent behavioral issues.

There's someone in California who's pulling for you!

15/11/06  
Blogger Em said...

Bloody oath you are!

15/11/06  
Blogger Sparkle said...

Sometimes when people say things like you're so brave, strong and courageous - the subtext is that you're doing something they can't imagine doing themselves.

You've made a stand, and because of that, most likely you will have saved your relationship.

You deserve a great relationship (and much more besides).

15/11/06  
Blogger heleen said...

When we were in the shits we went to get some help and talked to a pshychotherapist. I was a bit cynical at first but in just a few sessions he realy sorted us out. It's well worth a try. It also gives you an idea whether he's really willing to give it some effort. Guys often don't like to look into realtionships that close up. I hope you guys work it out!

16/11/06  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so, you think the solution to your husband's deep pain and inability to cope is to abandon him? I don't understand when people give up on their vows so quickly in the face of a challenge. In joy and in sorrow??!!

21/11/06  
Blogger Isabel said...

Anonymous, your comment shows a deep lack of respect. I'm pretty sure Mrs. Negative's vows didn't involve suffering silently through emotional abuse.

I'm so glad you're working it out w/ your husband. I wish you the very best of luck as you do what it takes to move forward in life.

21/11/06  
Blogger Dramalish said...

Mony, it appears you have your very own troll. As it doesn't even come close to deserving any of your time or energy, let's never speak of it again!

You are a beautiful woman, and I'm braver, stronger, and more courageous just having known you.
Thanks.
-D.

21/11/06  

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