Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Mountain Reverts To Molehill

Smell that?
It's Christmas. Sneaking into our lives and wallets! This is our first Christmas in our new home. We built a house with a big front window. During construction I vividly recall thinking "Won't a Christmas tree look tree-mendous in that window!" And now I get to see if my vision was correct. I do love Christmas! I was sifting through our decorations and I found a tiny doll, dressed in a miniscule white rose embroidered dress. My mother gave me this doll in December 2003. A fortune teller had told her that my infertility woes could be cured if I placed a small doll in the right hand side of my loungeroom. Talk about specific. It was worth a shot. Clomid and sex weren't helping! Back then the hand side of my loungeroom was occupied by a Christmas tree so it seemed fitting to perch her atop a fake fir branch. Near an angel and a silver baubel. That little plastic gargoyle. My infertility woes did not abate. Nay. They quadrupuled. Now in 2005, without fallopian tubes I knew the fortune teller was on crack but, dolly got herself a low ranking branch to see out Christmas in the big window this year. Call me sentimental. Or just mental. Fa-la-la-la-la.

My first FSH results came back. Shazam! Down from 13 to a ravishing 7.9! Me Likes! This is great news & I was not particularly confident of receiving it. A surprise that made me leap, not weep. Maybe dolly was making up for her foolhardy promise?

Thank you for your kind words on my last post. I printed up all your messages and passed them onto Sammy. She was touched. Beyond good grammar. "I bawled my guts out" Sammy said after reading them. Then she recited one of our favourite little love tokens, "I love you all the much and even more and then some".
She clearly digs me, and you lot too.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

In a Heartbeat

Sammy & I have been good friends for many, many years. We grew up right across the road from each other. We went from Kindy right through to High School together. She always, always makes me laugh. Hysterically. She's my girl.

Sammy married my cousin. After all our years as friends, we eventually became real family! Her 2 children are teenagers now and it is bizarre to see her with such grown kids. We are the same age, but our lives have years between them.
Sam surprised us (and herself!) a few weeks ago when she discovered she was pregnant. Completely unplanned, unexpected......the perfect "Oops" baby. She felt soooo old to be doing this baby thing again. It was hilarious for me to hear! I am still considered young in IF circles, yet she felt so old. As the thought of a new baby settled with her & her husband, the excitement crept in. Unchallenged & consuming. She told me that they lay awake at night talking about the future & making up silly names for the new baby.
Her delight was infectious. A BABY!
"We might even be pregnant together" I told her. Suddenly we were two teenagers again, planning out the years ahead. "Oh, that would be so unreal" she genuinely replied.
Dreams can fade so fast. Don't I know it.
The cramping started on the weekend. The dark discharge followed. The ultrasound introduced her to a new, foreign world of pain.
There was no heartbeat.
In an instant, everything changed.
I spoke with my brave girl over the phone. She is scheduled for a D & C today. "Maybe it was for the best" she whimpered.
"I don't buy that shit Sammy, it's not for the best darling. It's unfair, it sucks, it's heartbreaking" I told her with some authority.
"I don't buy that shit either" she confessed. "My baby died and it hurts so bad"

Girlfriend, I am so, so sorry. So sorry.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Mixed Bag of Not Much

The home computer got a virus.

Not good for a blogging girl. Or a home shopper.
I had a bloodtest today. I now wait to learn more about the mysterious FSH business.
Holy hell, I am soooooo over Infertility! OVA it. Ovum it even.
Blah blah blah blah.

My husband went to Surfer's Paradise last week (Sin City). I did not go with him. For 4 days he and 11 mates lived it up without their partners. Our friends are getting married you see & the BUCK decided that he wanted an interstate celebration before getting hitched. The girls have their chance to even the score next weekend, with a 2 night muck up out of town. It's all madness. But, I will be in the thick of it!

I went to the Randwick Races on Melbourne Cup Day. It was FUN! I got all dressed up, hat & attitude aplenty. WINNER!

Apologies for the lame entry. My mind is lost. But I intend on finding it real soon.