Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The Tortoise & the Hare

When battling infertility you get used to being patient.

You don't get a choice in this matter.

Even if you're hopeless at waiting you soon conform.

'Tis the only way. Infertility is a fusion of minutes, hours, months and years that drag by at a painful pace. You think ahead in time allotments of cycles. Nothing ever happens tomorrow. It's always next September...or after Christmas....or when my heart can stand to take another step. The future becomes blurry and it's a place you're sure you'll never arrive at.

It's so different here in "I'm Pregnant" land. It's strange how quickly things move along. It's an unfamiliar concept for an infertile. Imagine after 3 short months that there is progress. There are achievements & milestones....and they come seemingly without even trying. No pills, no needles, no bruises. You just sit back & watch the belly grow. You calculate the coming weeks & gasp when you realise you are already a third of the way through your pregnancy. In 6 months you'll have a baby in your arms (oh, pleeeease) 6 months? OMG. There is no time for procrastinating. Not a minute.
Can you remember back to the day your IF journey began? We all know the anniversary day of when we started ttc...imagine if your entire journey was only going to take 9 months instead of 36 or 50 or like me, 60 months?

Gestation is just 9 short, blessed months.
And after all the waiting endured, the lightening quick minutes of pregnancy are the sweetest gift.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Gut Feeling

It looks like I picked the wrong week to give up Coke & Crack(ers).

My very own morning sickness cure.

Belch......yeah baby!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Graduation Day

A milestone was reached today. I have officially left the care of my IVF clinic. The past 7 weeks have been a flurry of early morning blood draws, progesterone weaning and thankfully, cleared hurdles.
At 10w6d today my body is doing just as it should. It is producing all the required hormones and supporting the tiny life within me.
It was a relief of sorts making my last phone call but also nostalgic. Had I really come this far? Yep, I had.
I thanked the nurse sincerely for her wonderful care & asked her to extend my regards to all the staff. Emotion gripped me as I signed off and without even thinking I said "I'll see you again in the future". What a bold statement! But lately the future feels bright. I sense it's warmth. And I relish the thought of tomorrow...because it brings me one step closer to you, my darling child.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Good Golly Miss Molly..

'Tis my platform to show off...
..ain't my niece a beauty?

Friday, May 18, 2007

Hub Bub

It was my first "Undies On" Ultrasound.
Can I just say: "So! Civilised! Wow!"
Although my pants didn't hit the jaw certainly did.
We saw and heard a real, jumping, beating baby today.
The tears rolled down my cheeks and into my ears and frankly that felt gross in a waxy, soggy kind of way...but I dealt with it and turned my attention back to that most wondrous vision.

Hello, 10 week fetus. How you doin'?

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Nine Point Five

....The last time I got this excited about 9 1/2 weeks was when Kim Basinger & Mickey Rourke licked condiments off each other.
Talk about hot & sweaty.
Actually, the thought of all that milk, honey, chillies & strawberries being eaten off the kitchen floor just made me feel queasy....followed by hot & sweaty.
We have our 1st Gyno appointment tomorrow as well as another scan. I am a little anxious albeit very excited about the ultrasound. I need to see the baby in all it's progressing glory. I am eager for reasurrance. It's possible that I'll drop my undies the minute I step into the Doctor's office...oh so very Chez Basinger!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Dinner is not a Winner...

Morning sickness in the southern hemisphere seems to make an appearance after dark. Particularly after the evening meal. To combat this I have placed a self imposed ban on dinner.

....however last night I was a guest at my SIL's. She is a fabulous cook. It made "not eating" impossible.
At first I was sensible. Just a little grazing on salad. A few morsels of chicken. A light drizzle of Dijon. All was well with the world.
...She rocked out with dessert.

A tray of individual, mini Pavlova's. What the hell? I don't even like Pavlova I told myself as I devoured the fluffy foe. No sooner had I dusted Meringue off my lips when my stomach sniggered "Sucker!!" Uh-oh.

The car ride home was comfortable for about 25 seconds. The more I bounced around in the passenger seat the worse my stomach churned. Hurtling along the freeway I threw a wild look to my husband and choked "Ohhh...I think....I'm (picture me desperately rummaging through my purse for a tissue...a napkin..!) SICK!

..In the nick of time I found a stray paper giftbag and, well, filled it.

"I spewed on my sleeve" I told Peter. I was much prouder than I ought be. Oh, Pavlova. Wretched Pavlova. Curse you, in six seasonal fruity flavours.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

The Day...

'Tis upon us.
The day that leaves us IF'ers a little melancholy, a little bereft & a whole lot hopeful.....that next year we won't just be sisters, daughters, wives or aunts.
We'll be like (what seems) every other slipper clad, chrysanthemum receiving female on the planet.
A Mother.

May there is happiness & hopefulness in your day...

PS: Love you Mum!

Friday, May 11, 2007

Gettin' Taggy With It

I've been tagged. It didn't even hurt. Alright, it stung for a second, but I'm fine now.

Thanks Von. I'm loving your work right now. I am to nominate 5 blogs that inspire moi.
Impossible...I love so many! So I shall break with tradition and direct you to a single Website. It's one that I visit often for inspiration, you'll see why.

This darling child exudes courage, strength & grace. I am constantly amazed by her loving family who keep a daily journal of this journey. In particular "Lilla's" Poppy who emails the readers regularly with updates. If you feel up to it, please consider leaving a word or two in Kahlilla's guestbook. Her family read each and every message aloud to her and it gives them immense comfort to know that people from all over the world are sending positive thoughts to their little Warrior Princess.
In their own words "Laugh, Cry, Forgive and Love". Who can argue with that?

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Old Question. New Answer.

So there I was at the Hairdresser's. Reclining at the shampoo tub getting lathered up by a perky 18 year old. One of the best parts of a haircut is the WASH! Small talk ensued. Rinsing, scalp massaging...and then came "The Question".
You know the one that every seasoned IF'er has deflected a million times:
"So, do you have Kids ?"

How many times have I answered that painful query? As many as you, I'm sure.
Sometimes I'd answer with a firm "No".
Other times with a sad "Not Yet... or perhaps with a hopeful "Maybe one day"

I felt lucky to be asked that question as I sat with my eyes closed at the shampoo tub, water splashing on my face disguising tears as I calmly answered Miss Perky.
"Actually.." I spoke "I am expecting my 1st child now. I am 2 months pregnant"
"Oh!" squeaked Miss Perky. "Have you picked any names yet?
"Not yet" I said.
Even though I knew this baby had several names....Miracle. Salvation. Joy.
And with staggering normalcy our polite conversation veered off to a new topic.

It was so incredible to speak such words. Words that I'd dreamed of a zillion times.
Peace lingered in my heart way after the diffuser was switched off.
Every waking moment is consumed by relief and happiness.
And my new haircut isn't bad either.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Thanks, Mother Nature.

After reading about "Serenity's Septum" I was prompted to write about my own
"Unique Ute". I have a Didelphys Uterus.
It looks like this (except bloodier)

One cervix leads into two equal sized uteri cavities. One fallopian tube joins one uteri. Well, the fallopian tube "did" join until I had them ripped out 2 years ago. Quirky, no?

The "Baby" has taken up residence in the left cavity. Reminding me of a Beyonce the left, to the left....

Complications involved with pregnancy and a Didelphys Ute include pre-term labour and compromised space for baby. Does anyone else have an unusual ute? Or do you just want to talk about mine? *wink*