Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Heads or Tails

When I started "Mrs Negative" and pieced together my blogroll I decided I would only list the girls in similar positions to myself. Infertile, starting treatment, un-pregnant, no children. Of course I still read & worshipped many other bloggers, I just didn't link them to my space. (I used YOUR blogrolls for that!)

On reflection when I look at my blogroll, in roughly 18 months more than half of my twisted sisters have become pregnant &/or delivered beautiful babes.

More than half.

Apparently this fertility treatment works.
It hasn't worked for all of us. Yet.
But it works damn it, and that's what I'm clinging to.
Now pass the drugs.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Growing Up

My friend sat in my kitchen, surveyed the surrounding area and declared "I love your house. It's grown up"
"Rea-lly?" I beamed. "Grown up! Wow! Who would have thought?"
I admit we have a lovely home. It is my pride & joy. I spent a long time furnishing, decorating & colour scheming every inch of it. I did a good job.
The reality is there are no kids to mess things up. You will not find a Red Elmo taunting the muted green kitchen, or a gaudy Wiggle to clash with my pebble tiles. There is no Lego scattered on my Mocca carpet. Not a grubby fingerprint on my sienna walls or Stainless steel appliances.
I babysat my 3 year old nephew last weekend for about 5 hours. He was an adorable arsehole. I was thoroughly abused for asking him too many questions. Did he want a drink? A bubblebath? A DVD? No. What he wanted was for me to stop asking sooooo many questions. Al-righty.
3 year olds are impossibly busy. And messy.
I screeched when he jumped on my chocolate brown leather sofa, squealed when he dribbled cordial on my cream floor tiles & followed him around like a bad smell clutching a dishcloth. He marked every surface. At least twice. Was it a territorial thing with 3 year olds I pondered?
Finding him behind my sheer venetian, pressed up against the front window, forehead resting on the glass was enough to make me whimper. I questioned if I really, really want kids afterall?

Yes. I do.
IVF number 3 looms next cycle. Our second FET. I am ready again. I think I would rather mop up Cordial than any more of my own tears.
The tears leave a nastier stain.
And soak up alot more Viva paper towel.