Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Curious Cats

I am actually surprised by how many people (even strangers) ask if I have learnt whether I'm having a Girl or Boy. I didn't realise how regular it was to find out before the birth.

After our Amnio we were given the option of learning Hef's gender. We declined. After our 20 week scan we were again given the option. Again we declined.
Of course in my heart I have a feeling...based on nothing but my imagination! I feel Hef is a girl. That naturally means one thing: Hef will be a boy because I am HOPELESS at guessing!

My best friend tells me I am carrying a girl because of my width. The lady at the sandwich shop tells me it's a boy because I eat lots of chicken & beetroot sandwiches. It is funny!

Would it be, or was it important for you to find out if your bump was Pink or Blue?

Saturday, July 28, 2007


Inspired by my 20 week scan today that showed Hefalicious fighting fit & fabulous. It was wonderful to see my recent illness has not troubled the wee one. I am also feeling better...the anti-biotics are doing their thing. Thank goodness.

For Hef
Do you know how many years,
I've longed for you behind the tears?
In my dreams you often came,
I touched your face & spoke your name.
With empty arms I would awake,
So heavy with familiar ache.
But broken hearts need faith to mend,
And Hope remained my constant friend.
Deep down within I always knew,
I'd find a path that led to you.
Discovering you were on your way,
Completely took my breath away.
I clambered from my darkened hole,
Elation tumbled through my soul.
The battles fought, the pain I'd knew,
You lifted, squashed and overthrew.
The sweetest gift I've ever known,
Your heartbeat underneath my own.
My precious babe, my Saving Grace,
I live for our 1st sweet embrace.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

To My Bed

It's called Bronchitis verging on pneumonia.
And I have it.
And this thing here in my hand? It's called a Ventolin Inhaler.
And I'm inhaling.
I am sicker than Miss Polly's Dolly.
MIA till further notice.

Friday, July 20, 2007

....Like A Virgin

"You're A Virgin" teased one of my work colleagues to the other. (They are sooo mature)
"How am I?" he responded. "I've got a daughter AND another baby on the way".
I weighed into the bickering by pointing out that technically a Virgin, be male or female could actually be a parent....with the help of ART. Isn't that the strangest thing? I wonder if it's happened? Has someone had a child before they had sex?

I am such a freak. I forgot my 19 week scan appointment.
Oh the disappointment.
The D'oh-ing.
I was all geared up for my scan TODAY....and it was actually yesterday. Bawl. It is unlike me to mess appointments up. Now I have another week to wait before I see the Hef-alicious one.
Who knew pregnancy brain was an actual ailment?

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Infertility is a Dirty Whore. Chapter 147.

Like Topcat said.... There's alot of heart heavy bad news around in blogland this week. Losses, failures, battles. The black hole of infertility. We all loathe reading that our sisters are in pain. How do you convey sorry when a heartbeat has stopped? Circle the Wagons. That's all we can do.

I have just returned from Target. My brother told me there was a 50% off Sale on Baby items (including nursery furniture) so I bid my desk farewell & gleefully skipped toward Target.
It was a frightful nightmare. At first I thought perhaps Target were giving away Free Gold Bullion Bars and that would explain the frenzy of shoving, pram pushing women. But alas, no. It was just human nature at it's worst (Day-time Women folk & a SALE). I walked a few steps in a daze & muttered "This Makes me SICK" to anyone who would look over their loot long enough to see me. Really, the whole thing was un nerving. How many toys & games & crap do our kids need? Consumer madness, I say.

I have my 19 week scan tomorrow. I hope Hef isn't pissed off I didn't purchase a THING for the nursery today. I'm still glad I walked away with my empty hands placed over my bump.
Come on kid, we don't need this. Let's go get an ice cream.
My shout.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Up & Down

The Best Thing that Happened this Week:
Scoring 2 bags of maternity wear from my cousin. Gorgeous stuff. I won't need to buy another thing.

The Worst Thing that Happened this week:
Getting the flu in a big way PLUS a urinary tract infection and ending up in hospital on a drip.

My arse has been officially kicked. Hef is unfazed. Things are on the mend. *Cough* pause *Cough, Cough*

Saturday, July 07, 2007

The Winner is Syd-en-ee

1: Are you a Sydney Girl?
2: Have you ever toyed with the idea of meeting other Sydney bloggers in real life?
3: Are you toying with the idea now that I've said it?
4: Are you a Toy? (Hee!)

I'm just putting this out there to gauge the level of interest..feel the vibe, etc.

Should we/Could we have a meet & greet "Sheila Lunch" in, for fun? Maybe?

I am proposing a tasteful, classy lunch & not a sleazy strip joint "Girls Night Out"....the picture was just to get the thought train processing....and evoke a giggle & a "Put it Away! Wanker!" attitude. I bags being the "Coordinator" eg: Bossy Boots (as if)
Tell me what you reckon.

I've also posted a new belly shot or two.
If you want to peek..... you know the drill....
Down you go......


Ha! I'm a Pilgrim!

Look what knitwear can do for you!
That is all. On yer way.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Bawl. Howl. Blubber.

Seen this? Holy. Shit.
A beautiful song all about us (infertiles)...... And a very moving film clip to boot.

Keep in mind there is a BIG chance you will cry watching this. So if red eyes & soggy tissues aren't going to fit in with your agenda...maybe watch it later.
I. Can't. Pull. Myself. Together!

Thank you Catherine!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007


I under-estimated how grand it would feel to be pregnant after our awful scare. I feel like this is Act II....a fabulous chapter. Our second chance to enjoy. The baby must be thriving. I am growing at an alarming rate. So much so that my belly is demanding all eyes be upon it. My co-workers (all guys) focused their gaze on my mid section yesterday & said things like "Where did THAT come from?" and "Holy shit. You're fatter..." etc. I did not mind the comments. I patted the gut & made an apricot jam & cheese sandwich.
My weekend was spent sewing baby items, dressing a cabbage patch kid up in onsies and generally day-dreaming about how splendid my baby will be. I continued reading the "Pregnancy Guide" books that my gorgeous SIL lent me. I am keeping an open mind while reading these "Pregnancy for Beginner" style books. I do roll my eyes more often than required. I fear that is a side effect of years dealing with infertility & assvice. I am a little shocked to discover the baby will actually come out of my vagina. I really hadn't put alot of thought into that. I'll worry about that tomorrow. One of my favourite chapters talked about eating (do's and don'ts) and I instinctively closed the book with a deafening Snap after reading this little tip on Eating/Travelling:
"...if you are taking a long trip carry a flask of milk or fruit juice."
Well, ain't that fucking rocket science. I would feel very sorry for the person next to me if a drank a flask of milk whilst hurtling along in a train. Pasteurised.
I also stuck a list of Boys & Girls names (that I like) on our fridge & instructed Peter to gaze at them whenever he went to the kitchen. He already told me we can't call the baby "Thank Fuck"... which was my first choice after the chromosome results.
I guess that would be totally inappropriate.
Despite the catchy way it goes with our surname.