Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Weigh In.

The home nurse came & weighed Cooper. He is now 2.5 kilo's (5.5 pounds)and is sporting a double chin.

The 3 hourly feeds are pretty crazy. Especially the night ones. Oh the weariness! Cooper wakes & screams like he is being prodded with a hot poker. Until I pick him up. Then I change his nappy and he screams like I am breaking his legs. Until he is picked up. As I prepare his bottle he screams like he is being made to watch "Dynasty" re-runs. Until I put the milk to his lips. Then the fussing ceases & he declares all is well in the world.
It is strangely amusing to watch a little boy have a major blow up.....and then calm down in an instant.


Sunday, November 25, 2007


Our dog, Janis has taken to her new house mate with indifference. This is a great relief. She has been our spoilt "baby" for 7 years.....thoroughly ruined in every way. I feared she would display jealously toward Cooper & struggle with her new life as a (shhhh) D-O-G. Unfortunately for Cooper, I have spent the last 7 years saying "Good Girl" to the mutt & this seems to be a difficult phrase to give up. If Cooper burps, I automatically say "Good Girl!" If he co-operates during a nappy change I coo "Good Girl!".....much to my husband's horror!

I took Cooper to the shops in his fancy stroller. I love pushing him around. I am hopeless at manoeuvring though. I think I ran over about 15 sets of toes. Oops.

...Cooper & I also watched "Footloose" through the week. Oh My God. How much do I love that movie? We particularly liked the closing credits..."Let's Hear It For The Boy" was the song playing and I jigged around holding Cooper. It wasn't until I sang the line "Let's hear it for my baby".....that I began to bawl my eyes out.
It's still overwhelming.
Much like Kevin Bacon's dance moves.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Amazement 24/7

..he's a part of our lives. Here, in our house. His little belongings lay scattered from room to room. A bottle, a bib, a flannette blanket. I hear his cries instantly. My feet scramble beneath me, making haste to his cot where I find him crumple faced & hungry. I can't describe the feeling of lifting his tiny body from the crib & holding him, warm to my chest. The words tumble from my mouth as I hush & comfort him. I find myself kissing any exposed surface of his body. He protests, but I continue to cover him with adoration & love. As the hours pass, the prospect of having such a tiny, vunerable babe in my care lightens. I feel more confident. He watches me, listens to me. I have so much to tell him. Will there ever be enough days to declare my love? Will there ever be an emotion to equal the ones I am feeling now? I am so proud. So infatuated. So mesmerised.
For every heartbreaking step I took through infertilty, it was worth it. He was worth it. He is worthy of every wonderous, amazing, joyful experience life can offer.
My baby. My boy. Thank you, thank you for giving me what I so desperately wanted all those years. A chance to know you. I never imagined how utterly complete you make me feel.

Never, ever give up girls. Not for a second. Not for anything.

Friday, November 16, 2007


He's home.
It's glorious. And terrifying!
He has settled in well. Waking like clockwork every 3 hours. He makes the most adorable sounds while feeding. I made up a song to pay homage. I sing it while he stares up at me. The song is called "Cranky Duck" It goes like this: "You're a Cranky Duck. Quack. You're a little Cranky Duck. Quack Quack. You're a Cranky Duck, a Cranky Duck. Quack"
He totally digs it.

Wow. I finally, finally feel like a mother.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Black & White.

Words are sometimes unnecessary.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Bubble Bath.

Cooper had his first Big Bath yesterday. He wailed....mostly. Little arms flung out wide in fright. He clung onto his wash cloth. He ate bubbles. I loved towelling him off. His little head looked like a fuzzy peach. He smelled delicious. He got weighed, 2050 gms. Little dude! You are so lovely!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Suck it.

Thanks so much for still dropping by. It must be a bit boring here lately. I appreciate you letting me rave on about Cooper. It's important for me to document this time.
Today, Cooper will have his first bottle. The hospital likes Mummy to give the first feed, and Mummy is thrilled to accept the challenge. By the way he sucks on his dummy I feel confident he will know what to do with the bottle. Here's hoping. He is now in the discharge nursery with 8 other bubs (including another Cooper!) It's very relaxed & non-clinical. We can pick him up whenever we like & he has gained more weight.

On the homefront I have his room all ready & waiting. All his little clothes hang, his pram has been mastered, his snuggle bed awaits. I try not to loiter in there too much because it makes me feel a little sad that he is missing....but it's also comforting to be amongst his things & imagine him home.
That will certainly be an amazing day.
He's 3 weeks tomorrow. And still as cute as a wee button.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Moving Up

...well our boy is certainly the achiever. He has graduated out of the NICU into Special Care. It feels wonderful. Cooper will take the "Sucking Feeds 1.0" course this week as he progresses onto bottle feeds. I called it quits on the expressing. I tried for 16 days to produce enough milk for him & it just hasn't happened. I am comfortable with my decision. He tolerates the formula well. He is gaining weight and that's all that matters. Cooper has his eyes open alot more often now, he is quite the sticky beak. Making eye contact with your child gives you goosebumps.

Here's hoping that a new week brings even more developments because we are so, so desperate to get this little boy home.
...nearly there, Cooper.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Good Boy

Someone said goodbye to their central line today.
No more nasty drips! All that remained was a precious, tiny bruised hand. Someone also said goodbye to their hotcot & said hello! to a plain, old cot! Yay!

He lost his umbilical stump too.
Well done darling.
Another step closer to home.