Mrs Negative

Mrs Negative embraces her tardy Positive. Life after IVF and loving the son I never thought I'd have.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

1-2-3-4 !!

Righto......if I can't have a baby I will do the next best thing.
I will buy a drum kit.
Yes, I have decided to become a drummer. P is going to teach me. So far, I know how to hold my sticks up over my head....whack them together & yell "1-2-3-4" . I sound cool. I am still deciding whether I really need my knuckles tattooed with "DRUM OR DIE". Maybe a bandana will suffice....we'll see.

Finally I have a way to expel my cranky, tantrum building energy! If my neighbours have anything to say about my new hobby, the ramifications include a sound beating with my sticks and a midnight jam session.

Why didn't I think of this years ago? Fun!!!

We have a new Twisted sister...but it's a Twisted brother! New blogger has need for a kind comment.

Friday, August 04, 2006

The Barney

I'm in that bad place. You know the one. The place you go after a failed cycle. No-Baby land. It's the place where a bad attitude reigns supreme and g-d help any fucker who prompts you to "Smile" or even glance at you the wrong way. It's an angry place but I've been here before and I know it all helps with the healing.

The cupboards and fridge are littered with idle prescriptions & fertility drugs. Half empty packets & jars abandoned along with hope. These used to be my lifeline. I gobbled, inserted and swallowed each dose earnestly. It's exhilerating to know you are inching closer to a wonderful possibility. My diary was brimming with test dates. The nerd in me loved to carefully pencil in appointment times. Progress is being made. Progress is essential to an infertile, you find yourself rolling along with the beautiful momentum.

A failed cycle is like hitting a brick wall. A high, thick brick wall. Inpassable. You have no tools to chip through it, no ladder to scale it & no passing help for months. There is no progress to be had. It's boring. It's uninspiring. It's sans momentum.

I got a bill in the post today for my Beta.
I thought about rolling it up & smoking it. Nah, maybe I could just stick it on the fridge? Or toss it into a drawer? No. I decided to take a leaf out of Barney's book. Barney is my new hero.,22049,20015359-5006002,00.html

Sometimes shredding offensive items with your bare teeth is very satisfying.
Albeit very naughty. Woof.