I learned of two incidents this week that saddened me. Neither involved me directly but the circumstances surrounding them combined with our
desperation for a child made me ponder the unfairness.
A young man I know has a 3 year old daughter from a previous, short lived relationship. The mother was barely 17 when she gave birth & the union was rocky before the child was even conceived. Their attempts at becoming a family were hampered no doubt by her youth, her lack of responsibilty & her unsavoury family. Add to the equation a bounty of feral traits and you have one repulsive female. They quickly split. General turmoil has surrounded the child's short life, living with her Mum in half way houses, being dumped on friends & at times staying with unfamiliar strangers. This kid already exudes that tough, grubby, unruly demeanour you'd expect from an unstructured life. The saving grace & highlight of her existance is spending every second weekend with her father. He is a decent, caring, hard-working guy. Despite his initial reluctance to become a father he loves his daughter very much. The parents were badly suited from word go but thanks to their effortless fertility, a lifelong connection is destined. God knows why contraception was never discussed, but that's certainly not an isolated case. The guy has been in a steady, healthy relationship with his new partner for about 12 months. She has been a good influence on him and provided a nurturing sanctuary for the little one during her weekend visits. His new happiness has never sat well with the mother who is immature, reckless & extremely jealous. This week the mother decided that she no longer wanted the burden of a 3 year-old & without further ado, handed her daughter over to the father and promptly vanished. She has completely disappeared. Dad was unprepared for this turn of events & found himself without necessities, without childcare & determined to never give her back. He works full time so I offered to help him track down daycare at short notice and organise a few bits & pieces.
How could you abandon your little 3 year-old? How could you walk away & not make proper arrangements? No contact number, no discussion, no clean pyjama's or favourite toys packed? How could you sleep through the worry? Not caring if her daughter was crying out for Mummy? I have no doubt the little urchin will be far better of with her Dad. Finally there may be some stability in her life. But for how long? What if the mother decides one morning "I want my daughter back" which she likely will. There can only be heartache ahead. The Dad is pursuing legal advice & I am so proud of his determination to shelter & care for his little one. Father's do have more custody rights these days. I hope he gets his. As for the halfwit mother.....she's probably shacked up with her no good, welfare riding posse. Fuck, she's probably ovulating as I type this. And no doubt a sperm deposit won't be hard to find among her drinking buddies. Too sad.
The other situation I learned about involved a young female acquaintance. In the midst of breaking up with her philandering boyfriend she accidently
fell pregnant. Again I hear my voice echo.....hello? contraception?
It's available you morons!
She made the final, difficult decision to leave the relationship. Fed up with his broken promises & cheating games. She had the pregnancy terminated on Tuesday. I heard that she is emotionally spent and this, I do not doubt. I am not against abortion in any way. I firmly believe there has to be a choice. I know she made the right decision for her circumstances. I hope she never has to make a choice like that again.
Oh, but how my heart bled. The irony. I wanted to relieve her of impending motherhood & trade places. I wished that her untimely blessing could become my own. If only an unwanted pregnancy could be assigned to an infertile couple....and a DNA swap included! How many tears would be saved from each side of the divide?
Life certainly leaves you scratching your head sometimes.
And this week my scalp is bloody & raw.